Setting Goals: How High Is Unrealistic?

Setting high goals is a good thing, of course, but how high is too high? It was this apartment building in Kiev, Ukraine that got me to wondering.

Do you see anything that seems out of place here? (Click to enlarge.) If only there had been direct sunlight, if only this had been captured with a high-resolution camera versus a cell phone, the oddity might have grabbed you, too. Take a look at the 5th floor balcony. That whiteness there is no satellite dish.

We see there a very high goal, a goal set unrealistically high, IMHO.

Call me legalistic, something we first-borns tend to be, but basketball goals supposed to be 10 feet off the playing surface. And this one's, what, maybe 40 feet? That's what I call aiming for the sky. Can't help wonder the story here. . .

Made me wonder if perhaps a certain Leonid Stadnyk lives there. As you might have jotted down somewhere, he's the Ukrainian man once listed by Guinness as the tallest man in the world, at 8 foot, 4 inches. But nyet, a quick check showed that our Leo lives about 2 hours west of Kiev in the Zhitomer area.

Let's zoom on in for a closer look. Not that we're nosy or anything. Just. . . just that we're interested. And we're concerned. We see that the balcony windows are boarded up. Now that's bit odd in the summer, unless a place is abandoned. But the kitchen window is open a bit so it's likely someone's there.

I'm guessing the balcony windows haven't been opened in years. The little planter there is taking care of itself, the basketball hoop may have been nailed in place by a teenager who since has joined the army or a professional basketball team and now an elderly person lives there. This would be an elderly person who doesn't hang laundry to dry in the balcony, who doesn't enjoy a fresh breeze through those windows and who's in the survival mode. Now that would be a goal, to get out of the house and view the place from all angles.

Well, any thoughts, dear blog readers? Is this goal a cry for help?

Silent Monks Sing Hallelujah!

Just in case you've missed it, here's a super-creative take on the Hallelujah Chorus! This is worth watching several times!

Universal Studios Free Photo Booth: Pranks

Dear Friends, Good belly laughs counts as exercise in my book and they count double on Thanksgiving weekend. Let's see if these tickle your funny bone as they did mine. Oh, and happy *Black Friday.*

Thanksgiving Turkey and *I Will Survive!*

Happy Thanksgiving dear friends! Tina Turkey has a special treat for you here. With a nod to Gloria Gayner, presenting a parody of her 1978 hit. . .

At first I was an egg, I was petrified. Kept thinking I'd be lost or I'd get cracked and fried. But you took me to your nest before it was too late and kept be warm. And helped me incubate. . .



And then, just simply for nostalgia's sake ~ versus the sake of Thanksgiving ~ here is Ms Gayner herself. . .

The Baffling of a Boston Butcher

Shortly after her move from Russia to Massachusetts, Lydmila went shopping in the meat department and said to the butcher, I'll take 2 kilos of that language, please.

You want What?

And she was confused about how he could be confused.

See, Lydmila was thinking in Russian but speaking English. The Russian word, язык -- pronounced YA-zik -- means physical tongue. It also means language or spoken tongue. And tongue is what she wanted to buy. And that's what she told the butcher. Or so she thought.

Oh, what an adventure is language learning.


Speaking of adventure, here's a peek at my Russian language books. Oh there's more. . . there's lots more. Years back, I thought that buying language books would make me fluent. Oh, you mean purchasing the books is not enough?

Eventually I realized that these books have to be opened. And devoured. I learned that language is acquired not merely by . . . what is it? There's a word for that. . . it's right here. On the tip of my. . . tongue. I truly just thought of it: osmosis. That's it. The info in such books is not acquired simply by walking past them 267 times a day and hoping for osmosis.


Let's zoom on in for a close-up. See the two cans serving as bookends? Those are cans of beef язык. The perfect thing for a shelf of books about the Russian tongue.

How about you, dear blog reader. Have you had special adventures of walking into a store and asking for something in a second language? And only you knew what you were talking about? Please share. No need to bite your tongue. . .

We Wall Rock You! Oh yes we well!

Greetings from Kiev, Ukraine. How about some local graffiti, mis-spellings and all. Thought you might enjoy this salute to the music group Queen.

Oh, and then along the sidewalk, this throw-back to Soviet days caught my eye. See that hammer and sickle?

Let's zoom on in closer. . .

Now there's a paradigm shift for you. Think the Red Skins might be interested in a new logo?

Graffiti in a language other than ones own can get a little tricky. Various obscenities mis-spelled can be almost funny. And I'll spare you any of that. Have to admit though that if I were tempted to scrawl on local walls - please rest assured that I have no such plans - the message would probably end up being obscene at least to the grammatical purist.

What if Starbucks Were Run Like a Church?

Oh, almost funny. But it does hit home! Please come along on a visit to a unique Starbucks for an experience not unlike visiting church for the first time.






Thanks to Deb Simmons for sharing the link.

Unexpected Divorce Entrance: A Parody

You might be one of the nearly 20 million who've seen the JK Wedding Dance Entrance on YouTube. Well that was just the beginning. Since then, the Unexpected Divorce Entrance has been released, a parody of the wedding version. Have a look:



Pretty clever, eh? I think it's even more creative than the wedding dance entrance and would be funnier if divorce were even mildly amusing. It got me to thinking about where this could lead. Might we anticipate an unexpected entrance to, say, a graduation ceremony? Or, heaven forbid, to a funeral? What can you imagine? (Thanks to Bobby Ross, Jr. for sharing the link.)

Move Over Mendelsson: *The JK Wedding Entrance Dance*

Are you one of the nearly 7 million folks who have watched the *JK Wedding Entrance Dance* on YouTube in first week it was posted? If not, get on over there and have a laugh out of this feel-good way to make quite an entrance coming down the aisle. The Today Show got in on the act and invited the wedding party to New York to recreate their moves for the show.



This is definitely not for everybody's wedding. But my favorite part is at the very end where we get a glimpse of silver-haired family members clapping along too and smiling. Now head on over to YouTube and get ready for a paradigm shift on The Wedding March.

*United Breaks Guitars:* A Consumer's Musical Rant

Can YouTube be the disgruntled customer's best friend? Musician David Carroll, fed up with United's breaking his $3,500 Taylor guitar and then the run-around afterward is giving it a try. He took matters into his own hands with this 4-minute musical protest. Clever!

The Most Amazing Man Alive

Police often question him just because they find him interesting.

He uses Tabasco sauce instead of Visine.

There is no loofah in his shower. He uses an SOS pad.

Delightful! (With a nod to Trey Morgan for sharing on his blog.)

Cars Say the ( . . . . ) Funniest Things

Last week I happened upon a car with a message. It reminded me of Silence is Golden, a song from the 60's. You do remember that song. Don't you?

Rather than being golden, in this case Silence, the car would be. . . what color would you say that is? In real life, it was yellow with a few shakes of green. Not quite *leaf of celery yellow-green.* More *avocado pulp yellow-green* or *not quite ripe lemon green.* Whatever you call it, that's the color of the Silence tooling around the streets of Rostov-on-Don.


Oh, and then just outside my balcony window earlier this week, was a car with a message from the 40's.

That whitish car straight on out there, it has a special message. Care to zoom in closer?


Zooming, zooming. . .



Closer, closer. . .

It says To Berlin. Huh? The trusty Oxford Russian-English dictionary says it can be translated capture Berlin. I might have missed something, but I was thinking that that had already happened several, several decades back. Checked with my language teacher, Olga Michaelovna, who explained that at the end of WW2, military vehicles heading from Russia to Berlin had these words painted on the sides.

So the vehicle above might be 1940's vintage. Or it might belong to a person of that era. Or a WW2 buff might have been having fun. Or. . . what? All I know is that that vehicle is no longer parked outside this building. It may have gotten washed. Or it might be flying across Ukraine, across Poland heading toward eastern Germany.

But you didn't hear it from me. After all, Silence is golden, golden. But my eyes can see. . .Silence is golden, golden. But my eyes can see. . .

Hey, Hey Baby!

Come on in, we're doing fine. . . this time of night it's party potty time! At a local orphanage, the evening routine calls for sitting and taking care of business.


It's a bonding time in a way. Mostly male bonding. . . although there are three young ladies present.




Just like at a Super Bowl party, some people get rather emotional at a potty party. Others are in a zombie mode.




There's laughter and there's tears. There's congratulations for a job well done.




Ladies and gentlemen, please come to order. Please take your seats and give me your undivided attention. Word on the street has it that things get out of control in here at potty time. And that must come to a stop.

Please sit on your assigned seat. Each of you is responsible for your own work. You must not disturb your neighbor. Do we understand each other? Great, now let's get down to business. On your mark. Get set. GO!

The Bush Leg-acy from a Russian Perspective

Several years ago, a Moscow-based newspaper ran the photo below – amusingly altered – on the front page and asked, Can Russia possibly live without little legs of Bush?


At issue was the poultry wars, the on-going debate about Russia’s importing US-grown chicken. You see, with Americans’ fondness for chicken breast, the dark meat has to go somewhere and tons of it has ended up on Russian dinner tables. In fact, over 700 tons of US-grown chicken was imported to Russia in 2007.

The (fowl import) poultry is shipped in 15-pound boxes straight from the Tyson folks in Springdale, Arkansas. Photos of these boxes, the Russian-English labels and the chicken itself are on this very computer, in fact, buried safely in a folder. . . somewhere. Those shots are thanks to obliging vendors in the market who have chuckled and helped when I’ve asked, Do you happen to have any little legs of Bush for sale?

How did US-grown chicken end up with such a name? Well, they say a poultry import agreement was reached back in the 80’s, during the presidency of George H. W. Bush. In Russian markets, the imported chicken was dubbed NOZH-kee BYSH-a, a diminutive form that has stuck, which would be translated sweet, cute little Bush legs. Usually it’s spoken with a smile and a chuckle. And when an American uses the term, the vendors get quite a laugh.

So, how's that for a . . . legacy?

Squatters Rights

Finally I managed to capture a squatter. Or rather to shoot a squatter. Several of them, with the camera of course. Let me ask you this: When you're waiting and your legs get tired, are you tempted to squat? Well some folk here do that and the very sight hurts my knees. But let's have a look anyway. . .

Last week at the train station in Ivano-Frankovsk, Ukraine we were buying train tickets for me. And over there I spotted a squatter. It was the chance I'd been waiting for. . . to capture a squatter. Just for you.


We were waiting around because suddenly it began pouring rain and you know us pedestrian types, we're not venturing out in that especially when the umbrellas are at home. Silly, silly to come out without the umbrella, which in Ukrainian is called a parasol.


So a look back at the original squatter and it appears to be contagious. He's joined by squatters friends. Dear friend Lyda, partially visible here on the left, was so helpful, letting me hide the camera behind her. But she did have to laugh at me, that I found this so interesting. And here's why: the next day look what I spotted in the kitchen. . .



Here's Lyda herself peeling potatoes. Never mind that some of us do this sort of thing over the sink, peeling into a bowl of some sort. Lyda peels squatting, the peelings falling straight into the trash. Squatters have their rights, you know.

Well, whatever works!

How about you, dear blogging friend. Do you find squatting as comfortable as sitting?

The Air Is Yours: At the Station, Part 2

T-shirts with English expressions are quite popular and I often wonder if folks have any clue what they’re saying as they parade around town. Sometimes I’ll offer to translate.

This nice lady and I both were waiting to board the train from Donetsk to Kiev when I noticed this shirt of hers and thought of you dear blog readers - that's you and you. . . and you and YOU too. And I knew you would Insist on seeing this shirt. If only you knew.



So I offered to translate. It was the least I could do, really, and we enjoyed visiting. And suddenly, it was All Aboard! And there was hardly time for a photo. . .but we snapped real quick like. (Tell you the truth, I was surprised she said allowed me to shoot.)


The air is yours. . . (Am I the last to know this?)




FOREVER YOUNG
THE SO EFFECT
OCTOBER PARADISE
BEACH OUTHPAR (Could this beach have started out as SouthparK?)
CAR RAN KENNY

Quite inspiration, don't ya think? I mean, just to think that the air belongs to you. That you're forever young. It's effective and all that. Thank goodness the last line is not CAR RAN *OVER* KENNY. That would be a Not SO EFFECT.

Dear blog readers, what t-shirts have you seen with amazingly convoluted English? Did you translate into, like Mongolian or Spanish or whatever? We wanna hear your stories. Remember, the air is yours.

How Much Do YOU Know About the Olympics?

You may be following the Olympics in Beijing, maybe not. Regardless of how closely you're following the games, it's sure as shootin' that you're way ahead of the folks in this video. Check out Jay Leno interviewing people on the street.



Where are the Danes from?
Which is longer: the 200 meter men's butterfly or the 200 meter men's backstroke?
Where do you find the Poles?
How many metals did the country of IKEA win in the last Olympics?
Why were the 1944 Olympics canceled?

Hilarious. In a way. . .

The Little Cow that Flew Away

Hanging clothes out to dry is part of Russian life. Recently, I hung a cotton blanket on the clothesline outside my balcony. When I returned later check on it , I was surprised to see a little cow clinging to the blanket. It fluttered away before I had a chance to run for my camera but fortunately, another little cow, this one magnetic, volunteered to stand in.



Oh, silly me. I failed to mention that the Russian term for lady bug, *Божья коровка,* is literally translated sweet, little cow of God. Really, it is. Can you imagine such a name for a ladybug? Calling a ladybug a cow, not to mention a cow associated with divinity.

But then again, Russian folk have laughed when I've told them that in English, ladybug is literally, woman's insect. So whether you see the spotted beetle is a little cow or a woman's insect, it sure is cute. Say, did you happen to notice ladybugs in the headlines last week? Apparently they're an environmentally friendly way to control insect pests. Now that's not only lady-like, it's also divine.

Daily Life in Soviet Russia

Thanks to English Russia for these black-and-white shots of a monochrome era. Please help think of an explanation for each of these photos.

Open wide. Boys line up for. . . checkups.

Care to venture a guess - what is the occasion?
Check-ups before summer camp.
Physicals before entering the army.
Other possibilities?


What's going on with this trio?
They're singing the Hallelujah Chorus - all soprano.
They gargling.
They're catching raindrops two ways.
What else?


What's the scoop here?
He's home from his first year away at college.
He's just got paroled.
Other ideas?

Dear blog readers, counting on you to help out on the possibilities here. These photos are submitted to English Russia and published without captions. So, we're on our own to provide them. I'm looking to you for some help on this.

The Caloric Hazards of Furlough

Being on missionary furlough provides joy in many realms -- social, spiritual, intellectual and physical. And that would include, of course, favorite indulgences such as the new homemade-type cookies which I encountered at McDonald's across Texas, Arkansas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, and North Carolina. Cracker Barrel Restaurants in the same states carry chocolate-covered mint candies in their country stores. Oh yum.

Then there's the Bit of Honey chewy treats at the gas station shops where they also have Grandma's Peanut Butter Cookies not to mention Snowballs - you know, the pink coconut marshmallowy layer over chocolate cake. Now there's a comfort food from childhood. Yes, the culinary joys of being in the homeland are immense.


But then excess baggage becomes an issue. . . and that, my dear friends, is considerably less fun than packing it on.

Ask me how I know.